How to Stop Being So Hard on Yourself
Do you often find yourself being too hard on yourself during your weight management journey?
This could be a major factor preventing you from making changes in your health and your life, a topic I frequently address with my patients.
Recently, there's a trend on the internet promoting self-criticism, pushing yourself too hard, and blaming yourself. However, this approach can be really counterproductive.
Today, I'll be sharing some mindset shifts that can help you transition from a negative mindset to a positive one, ultimately benefiting your fitness journey.
Finding Inspiration Without Losing Joy
The first mindset shift I want to talk about is the habit of constantly comparing ourselves to others. It's a natural tendency, but it can really get in the way of our happiness and progress. You know the saying, "comparison is the thief of joy," and I see this happening a lot in my clinic, especially when it comes to health goals. Whether it's getting in shape, losing weight, or just being healthier, comparing ourselves to others usually just makes us feel frustrated and unmotivated.
One of the most common situations where comparison comes into play is in the world of fitness. Let me give you an example. I'm currently training for a marathon, and so is my neighbor. When she told me she's aiming for an eight-minute mile, I couldn't help but feel a bit inadequate with my target pace of 10 and a half minutes. It was a moment where I could have let comparison ruin my excitement for the race. But then I reminded myself that my goal isn't to compete with her; it's to challenge myself and achieve my personal best.
This phenomenon isn't limited to physical fitness; it extends to various aspects of our lives, including weight loss journeys. It's not uncommon for partners embarking on a weight loss regimen together to experience different rates of progress. Yet, rather than celebrating individual successes, many find themselves caught in the trap of comparison. I often remind my patients that the only fair comparison is with themselves. Progress should be measured against personal goals and past achievements, not against someone else's journey.
While comparison can be demoralizing, it can also serve as a source of inspiration when approached with the right mindset. Instead of allowing someone else's achievements to overshadow our own, we can use them as motivation to push ourselves a little harder. Whether it's running a faster mile or reaching a weight loss goal, seeing what others have accomplished can inspire us to believe that we too can achieve similar feats. However, it's crucial to remember that our journey is uniquely ours, and comparison should serve as inspiration rather than a yardstick for success. Ultimately, the only person we should be comparing ourselves to is the person we were yesterday.
Embracing Kindness in Health Habits
Mindset change number two is crucial because, let's face it, most of us won't be able to stick to the same habit every day forever. Whether it's something as simple as eating breakfast, consuming vegetables daily, or adhering to a specific diet like plant-based, life has a way of interrupting our plans. Whether it's due to busyness, travel, illness, or unexpected events like a pandemic, disruptions are inevitable. Sometimes, we just get tired and need a break. We skip a day of exercise, and before we know it, a week has passed without any physical activity.
But here's the key: you can always start over. Instead of berating yourself for falling off track, show yourself some kindness. Remind yourself that you have the power to begin again, right now. It doesn't have to wait until May 1st or Monday. It can start in the next minute, with the next bite of food or the next opportunity to move. You don't need to wait for the perfect moment.
I learned this lesson firsthand last year. Due to dental surgeries and a back injury, I wasn't able to run as much as I wanted to. But as soon as I was physically able, I started again. It wasn't about waiting for the new year or scheduling a new training program. It was about recognizing that the time to restart was now. Yes, I was slower, and there was more walking involved, but it was better than doing nothing.
So, if you've hit a rough patch in pursuing your goals, remember, it's okay to start over. Be kind to yourself and embrace the opportunity to begin anew, no matter how many times you need to do it.
Celebrating Your Victories
Another helpful mindset shift when you may be beating yourself up or struggling to start / restart something is to reflect on the hard things you've already accomplished in your life. It's easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we haven't achieved much. We might look at someone we admire and think, "Wow, they do so many amazing things. I haven't done anything like that." Instead of dwelling on our faults, it's important to reframe our perspective and focus on the positive.
One exercise that can be particularly beneficial is to think about and write down some of the hard things you've already conquered in your life. Perhaps you completed a degree, or maybe you were the first person in your family to finish high school or college. Maybe you defended a dissertation and earned your PhD, or you went to med school.
Think about any hard thing that you've done, something that you're proud of, even if many other people have done it too. Maybe it's delivering a baby, raising children, or supporting a loved one through illness or loss. Perhaps it's facing your fears by skydiving or leaving an abusive relationship. Even seemingly small accomplishments count, like getting tickets to a sold-out concert.
The point is, there are likely many things in your life that you can be proud of, even if you don't always give yourself credit for them. If you're having trouble identifying these accomplishments, don't hesitate to reach out to a loved one for help. Recognizing and celebrating the hard things you've already conquered can provide the motivation and confidence you need to tackle new challenges.
Excuses vs Explanations
If you're finding it incredibly hard to follow through on your goals, there's likely a reason behind it. It's essential to recognize that what may seem like excuses are often valid explanations. Rather than dismissing your struggles as mere excuses, consider the real reasons behind them.
For example, maybe you're struggling to find the motivation to exercise because you're dealing with untreated depression or ADHD. Or perhaps you're finding it hard to lose weight due to underlying medical conditions like menopause, diabetes, or hypothyroidism. In some cases, it might simply be a matter of logistics.
If you're working long hours, taking care of your family, and trying to maintain a household, finding time for self-care can be challenging. This isn't an excuse; it's a reality.
The key is to identify these explanations and find practical solutions to work within these constraints. If your busy schedule leaves little time for exercise, think creatively about how you can incorporate movement into your day.
Maybe it means using a peddler or exercise pad while you work, or taking short breaks throughout the day for quick workouts.
Similarly, if cooking healthy meals from scratch every day isn't feasible, explore alternative options like pre-prepped meals or healthier restaurant choices.
Remember, it's not about achieving perfection; it's about doing the best you can with the resources and time you have available. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and focus on finding practical solutions that work within your reality. Whether it's finding ways to move more or making healthier food choices, small changes can add up to significant progress over time.
The Power of Self-Compassion
Let's consider something fundamental: if you find yourself constantly beating yourself up and being hard on yourself, there's a simple solution you might not have considered yet—talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend.
Think about it: how do you speak to a friend who's struggling? You'd likely offer words of encouragement, express your pride in them, and reassure them that they're doing the best they can. You might help them brainstorm solutions to their problems or simply offer a listening ear. One thing is for certain, you wouldn't criticize or belittle them.
Consider this: your friend, if they're a true friend, would never speak to you in a harsh or demeaning way. They'd offer you kindness, understanding, and unwavering support. So why not extend that same level of compassion to yourself?
As someone who works with patients all day, I've learned the importance of practicing this kind of self-compassion. It's something I do naturally with my patients, offering them encouragement and support as they navigate their health journeys. And over time, I've realized that I need to offer myself that same level of kindness and understanding.
So the next time you find yourself falling into the pattern of being hard on yourself, try to shift your self-talk. Instead of criticizing or belittling yourself, try to speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Offer yourself words of encouragement, remind yourself that you're doing the best you can, and be proud of yourself for every small step forward. After all, you deserve the same level of kindness and support that you would offer to a friend in need.
Embracing a New Approach
In closing, I want to emphasize the importance of finding the right support system when you're working towards your goals. Whether it's a physician, a personal trainer, or a coach, if they have an old-school mindset of constantly pushing you and making you feel bad for not meeting expectations, it might be time to find someone new.
We no longer need to subscribe to the belief that we must push ourselves to the brink in order to achieve success. Instead, we can be kind to ourselves, give ourselves grace, and still accomplish our goals.
So, if you find yourself working with someone who isn't aligning with this mindset, don't hesitate to seek out someone new who can support and guide you in a more compassionate and understanding way. You deserve to work with someone who will uplift and encourage you on your journey to health and wellness.
Discover effective strategies to stop hating yourself and stay motivated on your fitness journey by listening to the full episode.
More from The Dr. Francavilla Show:
Subscribe to The Dr. Francavilla Show on
Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, iHeartRadio, Stitcher